“Paul, called to be an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God…” 1 Corinthians 1:1
I was organizing at home yesterday and was compelled to open and read some old journal entries of my time with You, Lord. It always hits me hard when I do that. It reminds me of how You answered prayer and of struggles and rejoicing that You have taken me. Sometimes I see myself all over again in that same kind of situation now and I wonder how I can be such a slow learner. But just like You keep bringing me back to remember these times together, so You desire Your children to keep reading and re-reading Your Word to be reminded and to keep singing and re-singing Your songs and praises to be reminded, and to keep boasting about You and recalling all You have done in our lives and the lives of others.
So I hope that these “old” meditations might not just be words on a page hoarded on my shelf. I hope that these meditations carry timeless truths from Your Word and from You and that someone else can share and learn and rejoice amidst the same situations. Because the truth is still true, that just like Paul, You have also called me to be an ambassador of the Gospel. Yes, just like Paul and me, You have called each of Your children to be ambassadors of the Gospel and what a gloriously beautiful and powerful and living Gospel it is!
Lord, You have also called me to be an ambassador of the Gospel, a commissioner of Christ. This is my position in Christ. Help me fill it. Help me to glorify You through who You are in me. I am Your representative. I am a symbol of Christ. Fill my shoes, because I am insufficient on my own Your grace is sufficient for me.
Sometimes I know Your Word, but I don’t fully comprehend. It’s like I’m starving but my mouth won’t open to et even though the food is right in front of my face. I want to eat and be nourished and grow in health but it’s like M.S. (Multiple Sclerosis) has set in and something’s holding me back. Lord, feed me intravenously if You have to, but please feed me.
Lord, I want to be intimate with You. I don’t want our relationship to be stagnant, I don’t ever want Your love to be of no effect in my life.
What has happened? Where have I been? Where did I let You go? How did I let You go?
And ambassador cannot be an ambassador without knowing his country deeply and intricately. Oh, Lord, bring me into and intricate relationship with You. Bring me into Your intimacy.
The minute You saved me, You brought me into that intimacy. You have not failed, for You have always called me to that closeness with You. You have called without tiring. I have wearied and instead of resting in Your strength I have just rested. You have spoken, but I have been too distracted to listen. I have given time, but not spent time. I have made time, but not set it apart. I have put You in, but not let You out. Lord, forgive me. Search my heart, try me and show me my errors in thinking and doing.
I don’t want to be a baby in Christ because I’m not. You are a God of order; I have not been a “child” of order. You planned and You created. It is never on a whim with You. I have sinned with my life. I have not planned, I have no order. Forgive me, Lord. Help me regain order. Create in me a clean heart that reflects You. Then I may shine before my family and prepare the to be ambassadors for You. Then I may minister unto them and teach them of You, Lord. Teach me to begin with order.
Commitment: Today I began regaining order by waking up at 5:00 and allowing 2 hours if needed for time with the Lord. I will be focussing on 1 Corinthians-Galations. I will read and write down my thoughts to the Lord as He speaks to my heart. I will only read as far as He leads me and I will dwell and meditate on the truths He opens my eyes and heart to. Each day I will add to the “order” of our home as He leads me. I will rely on the Lord to give me wisdom.